Friday, December 29, 2006

Jack's birth story

It was wild. Not only did I go into labor on my own, on the day I wanted but it also happen to be his original due date. Crazy I tell ya.

Let me try to be quick about the birth story:

I had an appt the morning of the 12th @ 10:30 - no changes, still 3cm & 75%. I ended up contracting all day, like any other day I had an appt, they were BH and didn't hurt. Bill didn't get home until late, trying to tie up some loose ends before the induction the next day, and when he came in I commented on how I had ctrx all day. We went to bed around 10-10:30 and I realized that I was feeling these crtx that hadn't stopped yet (and normally do by bedtime) so I waited an hour. They weren't letting up so I woke Bill and told him that I thought I was in labor. We himmed and hawed and decided we'd better get to the hospital.

We wake up Austin, get the stuff in the truck, call Austin's dad so he can meet us and then to the hospital - at this time my crtx were 3mins apart. I got to L&D at 1:00am. She checked me and I was completely effaced and 6cm!!! Indeed I was in labor. They contacted my dr and the epi guy and a little over an hour later, they both arrived. Got my epi at 2:15am and I was so relieved b/c I was scared to death of my water breaking before I had a chance to get one. I was able to relax and dose on and off for a while after that. She checked me at 3 and I was at 8cm. She decided to let me rest and came back in at 5:20am check me again, I was complete. However, my water never broke so they called my dr, broke my water (which had meconium...) and I started to push. I pushed through 4-5 ctrx when I got his head out. They made me stop pushing so they could suction him out to get any and all meconium so he didn't get any in lungs when he took his first breath. And then out came the rest of him.

I have a little tear but I have been doing great. Jack nurses like a champ and we both caught on real quick, I don't think I'll have many problems.

I'm very proud of myself for getting to 7cm without an epi, I tolerated the ctrx fairly well, I thought, I just knew there was no way I wanted to even try 8, 9 & 10.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Jack's 1st office visit

Jack had his first dr appt today, he's 5 days old.

He weighed 7 lbs 10.2 ozs and was 20 1/2" long. His head circumference was 35cms.

Everything looked good and they were real happy with his weight gain.

Wednesday, December 6, 2006

39 week appointment

Ok. I'm home with a not so exciting report.

Let me just say that first... Everything looked good.

Last week I was 2cm and 75%.
This week I was 3cm and 75%.

He said that the baby is engaged in my pelvis. He stripped my membranes and made me a "loose" 3cm (yowza! that hurt) and caused me to bleed quite a bit.

They have me on the wait list for an induction but that will only happen after the 12th, they will not induce me before so if something comes open after the 12th I will be getting a call from either my dr's office or the hospital.

And that's it.

Monday, December 4, 2006

December 4th, I'm still here.

I feel further away from labor than ever. My appt was Tues and since then the ctrx have gotten futher and further apart to almost non-existent until last night from 6-7:30pm they were right on top of each other but I wasn't at all concerned so I knew it wasn't time and then they petered out and went away. I, honestly, think that I was having ctrx last night b/c I was hungry and we were waiting for the potatoes to finish cooking in the crock pot before we ate. Once I ate, it was all down hill.

Plus, Bill and I had sex yesterday morning and I walked probably 2+ miles yesterday.... and when I listened to Jack's heart beat on the monitor this morning, I couldn't find it at first - why? - b/c he is so stinking high and it took me a while to think to go a little higher. Wahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Then, I thought my appt was tomorrow. I was excited for the dr to tell me my progression and to stir things up again but alas I realized yesterday that my appt isn't until Wed. Wahhhhhhhhhhhhh! At my appt I will ask the dr that I not go past the 13th (my edd) only b/c of Christmas, otherwise, I'd sit back and enjoy the ride.

Saturday, December 2, 2006

Saturday, December 2

So I sit here and I wait for Jack to kick my body into labor. It's Saturday and Bill's at work like usual. I've decided not to bust my ass today but that's mainly b/c just about everything has already been taken care of and I have no plans.

Shame on my dr for getting my hopes up that I would have Jack soon. What did he say? He didn't think I would make it through the week or was it that I wouldn't make it another week (to my next appt on Tues)? I don't know but this almost seems like torture.

Now, I know that I'm only 38wks 3d today so while I struggle everyday not knowing if or when I'm going into labor (especially with all the braxton hicks) - this week - I know that I should be patient b/c Jack will let me know when he's good and ready. However, I have all the signs that labor could happen at any moment. As of Tuesday, I was 2cm dilated, 75% effaced and he stripped my membranes. Thursday I lost my mucous plug. Friday we had sex. This morning (tmi ahead) I had diarrhea and went for a walk and nothing... well, maybe one braxton hicks so far today and it's almost 1:30pm.

I guess just keep me in your thoughts so that when it does happen everyone will be safe and healthy. I'm off to finish folding a load of laundry and to watch a movie.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006


Everything looked good.

Blood pressure - 110/72

fundal height - 39
urine - neg
heart rate in the 130's
up 2lbs - I think it's a total of 33-34lbs now

2cm dilated STILL but

75% effaced (last week I was only 25%)

He told me that the baby is definitely head down b/c he could feel his skull and he thinks I have a good chance of having Jack sometime this week so he stripped my membranes. I wasn't even sure what that meant so I had to come home and look it up.

Here goes...

Wednesday, November 22, 2006


Well, I had my 37wk appt yesterday and here's a quick run down of how it went:

BP - 110/70
Heart rate in the 120's
Urine - negativeGBS - negative
no weight gain
fundal height up from 36 to 40
25% effaced
2cm dilated

A wk ago I was nothing. Also, today I went and pre-registered at the hospital and the nurse told me to pack my bag.

And from the list in my last entry, I'm doing really good. Jack's room is 97% done so things 1-5 on the list are done. I would post a pic but for some reason my computer doesn't recognize the software for my new camera... I don't know what I'm going to do about that. Right now I'm freaking out over it. It recognizes it on my laptop but there's something wrong with the modem on the laptop and I can't dial up.

Thanksgiving is tomorrow so that's one more thing off my list and Austin's bathroom & bedroom are almost done. In the bathroom, Bill just needs to caulk around the bathtub and in the bedroom, Bill just needs to hang the curtain rod. So that'll be 2 more things off my list and 2 that *I* can't do and I'm not really worried about either of them, so that's a load off.

Right now all I need to do is all the Christmas stuff, finishing shopping, wrap and put up the tree - I got the Christmas cards done the other day...whew... AND most importantly, pack my bag for the hospital and get the car seat installed. I'm stressing those two things the most right now so once that gets done, it'll be smooth sailing.

Wish me luck!

Thursday, November 16, 2006

36wks and a ton of stuff to do

I went to the doctor yesterday (11/15) and I'm not yet dialated or effaced. However, I am HOT and I'm can tell I'm starting to swell - for the first time I had to take off my wedding and engagement rings today (after first running my hands under cold water and lathering up with dish soap). I felt nekkid not wearing them all day.

I FINALLY got Austin out of Jack's room and into his new room downstairs and we FINALLY got Jack's room painted, however, there is still a ton left to do.

1. We need to put up the chair rail in Jack's room.
2. We still need to put up the border in Jack's room.
3. We still need to put up the blinds and valances in Jack's room.
4. We need to bring in the crib and dresser from the shed and get that put together.
5. I need wash all cloth items - and there's a TON - get them all folded and put away.
6. I need to have Thanksgiving somewhere.
7. I need to get and install a car seat.
8. I need to get fitted for nursing bras.
9. I need to cook some meals so that there's something hot to eat for the 1st week or two after Jack's born.
10. I need to finish Austin's bathroom so he can use finally use it.
11. I need to finish Christmas shopping, wrap gifts and put up the tree.
12. I need to pack my hospital bag.

I could go on and on it seems... all because of the freaking contractor who took 9wks to do a 2wk job. I can't even think about him without getting angry and stressed out. So I'm going to put him out of my mind but I'm sure as I'm still trying to finish up the bathroom downstairs and I'm pushing Bill to do what I can't, I'll be thinking of him the whole time.

Thank goodness I had the mindset to use some of my vacation next week. I took off work Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday giving me the whole week off since Thanksgiving is Thursday and they always give us off Friday (instead of another holiday). Hopefully, fingers crossed, I'll be able to get a ton done so I can sit back and relax for the remainder of my pregnancy.

That's about it from me for tonight. I'm sure I'll be on next week while taking a break to let you know my progress.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Another parent/teacher conference

Yesterday we had to go back to the school for another parent/teacher conference. It was a follow-up from the one before where we scheduled the school counselor to go in his classroom and observe his behavior. Well, she observed him in 2 different classes, here is the description of setting and task:

1. Gym Class - Discussion and active practice of focus and attention by teacher (she said that a karate instructor was in that day so it wasn't a normal gym class and it was very organized)

2. English - a) Taking a spelling test and b) Discussion of suffixes and prefixes

Now here is the description of Austin's performance while he was observed:

1. During this entire presentation Austin was focused, attentive, and followed directions.

2. During both the spelling test and English lesson Austin stayed focused, attentive and was on task. During the English lesson he raised his hand several times to answer questions and when called on his answers were correct.

So in conclusion, they noted that Austin does not have problems with his attention span and that he's just laid back and works at his own pace. Well, we could've avoided all of this b/c I could've told them that a LONG time ago. Austin's been laid back since birth, the child doesn't know the word "stress". Anyhow, I was so happy I could burst! Still am! I knew all along he was a great kid and they were making something out of nothing. Not to mention he ended up getting all A's & B's on his report card.

Saturday, November 4, 2006

Austin's report card

After a very stressful first semester and an early progress report that showed Austin failing everything, here's how his report card looked:

B - Math

B - Reading
A - Language
B - Science
B - Social Studies
A - Art
A - Music
A - Physical Education

Way to go Austin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so proud of him. I could burst.

Monday, October 30, 2006

This weekend

This weekend was not a good one…

First of all, Bill worked all day Saturday – nothing new (he works like 75-80hrs a week) – but I was looking forward to seeing him when he got home.

Well, he called from work and told me that my BIL (my sister’s husband) called him and asked him if he wanted to play cards – more specifically a Texas Hold ‘Em tournament. What he didn’t tell me (I had already spoke to my sister and she told me) was that it was a Bachelor party. I, of course, said something about it being a bachelor party and Bill apologized for not mentioning it and he felt bad b/c now it looked like he was trying to hide something when really all he wanted to do was play cards. He was asking me if he could go – knowing full well that I wanted some time with him and I told him that he made his own decisions. I was trying to make the point that I’m not his mother; I’m his wife.

So he comes in, helps the guy doing the bathroom remodeling for a few minutes and comes up to jump in the shower. I asked him if he was going and he said, “I want to.” At that point, I told him that it would be a very bad decision on his part but it didn’t stop him. He rushed in the shower and out the door. Man, was I pisssed. Did I mention that I don’t see Bill on Wednesday’s b/c he’s playing Texas Hold ‘Em and he doesn’t get home until 12-12:30am when I’m already asleep (and he leaves the house most mornings before I wake up)? I had to tell Austin that if I was a little snappy that it wasn’t his fault b/c I was upset with Bill – thank God he’s old enough to understand.

Sunday comes around and I’m full of attitude. I asked, “Were there strippers?” And there was. That just put me over the top. Now, I have never been one to mind if Bill went to a “Gentleman’s Club” but he doesn’t go so it’s not an issue (not to mention in a club they are on stage with a no touching rule). However, I did find out bachelor party – sit on your lap, put boobs in your face, dance in your living room – strippers, bother me – A LOT. Maybe it’s b/c I’m 33wks PREGNANT and my husband never tells me that he finds me attractive nor do I feel attractive at 30lbs above normal weight but he was tripping over his own two feet to get out the door to go see some strippers.

Now in all fairness to Bill, I know he wasn’t going to see the strippers but I’m pregnant and irrational and still pisssed about it. I know it; I admit it but dammn it if I didn’t wait all day for an apology and in the end, I basically asked him to apologize. He did and he was actually sincere saying that the only reason he was in a hurry was so that he could eat and he was anxious about playing in a tournament with other guys – it was not at all about the strippers (in my eyes, they were a perk :rolleyes: ). He really wanted to see how well he would do up against strangers in Texas Hold 'Em. He doesn’t expect me to understand. The thing is I do understand but I told him before he left that he was making a [u]very bad[/u] decision – one that he heard about all weekend.

Also, I wonder if I would’ve been AS angry had he told me up front that it was a bachelor party? The fact that he kept that under wraps let me make up all kinds of things in my mind. I really don’t like thinking of the stripper aspect of it all… And he barely knew the guy, he’s met him, I think, twice before.

Was I really all that irrational? Would you have been angry?

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Dumping Syndrome

So I had my appt yesterday with my GP, the one my OB wanted me to make for a heart evaluation b/c of my last sugar episode.

My GP believes that it has NOTHING to do with my heart. He said if it was my heart, it would happen all times of the day not just in the morning. He believes that it is strictly related to sugar.

So he's diagnosed me with Dumping Syndrome. Here's a little of what I found online:

Rapid Gastric Emptying(Dumping Syndrome)
An amalgamation of information from the National Institutes of Health (NIH),the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center (UPMC), and other sources.
Rapid gastric emptying, or dumping syndrome, happens when the lower end of the small intestine (jejunum) fills too quickly with undigested food from the stomach.

Early dumping

"Early" dumping begins during or right after a meal. Symptoms of early dumping include nausea, vomiting, bloating, diarrhea, and shortness of breath.
After an esophagectomy, food passes quickly into the small bowel, mixed only with saliva and amylase from the mouth, but little or no stomach acid. The molecules (component parts) of the food remain fairly intact and therefore, large. The small bowel responds by diluting what we eat through a process of "water recruitment" into the bowel space. The "richer" the food, in terms of molecule size or sugar content, the more water will rush into the small bowel to dilute it. Suddenly, the heart will pound and beat rapidly; you may feel dizzy, and overwhelmingly tired. The bowels may gurgle and churn, and will feel bloated and gassy. This might be followed by loose stools and even vomiting. It is not dangerous, but it can be frightening to the uneducated patient.

Late dumping
"Late" dumping happens 1 to 3 hours after eating. Symptoms of late dumping include weakness, sweating, and dizziness.
Late dumping is caused by an insulin response to the ingested food. One might feel flushed, sweaty, fatigued, and experience all the signs of hypoglycemia (low blood sugar).

Here are some other sites:

I must have LATE DUMPING since it normally occurs 1 - 1.5hrs after I eat.
I'm so happy I don't have to go to any other appts: cardiologist etc... and to actually know what's going on. Sounds to me like he nailed the diagnosis.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Health Update

For those of you who don't know, I've been having some problems in the mornings with my sugar levels dropping and causing me to feel faint and crappy. Since discovering that it was "probably" sugar, I changed my diet in the mornings from cereal, which is high in sugar, to plain oatmeal that I flavor myself and things have been good...until Tuesday morning.
Here's a recap of what happened Tuesday:

I have no idea what went wrong but I got ready for work like normal and I felt fine. I left the house and I felt fine. It wasn't until I was driving up a main road to work that I started yawning over and over again, like I couldn't get enough oxygen or breathe. So I tried sitting taller to give my lungs a little more room, didn't help. I wasn't feeling right and I started getting warm so I turned on the a/c so it would blow on my face and a few minutes later is when I felt the color drain from my face. I looked in the rear view mirror and saw how pale I was so I pulled over on the shoulder but kept driving just slower since there was a turn coming up. When all of a sudden I started seeing the dark spots. This was it, I was passing out. I immediately pulled into someone's driveway that was right before the turn. I got parked in time and I didn't pass out but boy did that scare me. I called my mom when I got back on the road so I had someone to talk to until I got to work just in case and right before I got to work, I started feeling funny again but I got to work and I've been okay ever since other than I'm exhausted and feel like I might be trying to get sick with sore throat but that's another story.

So I had a doctor appointment that afternoon and I mentioned it to the doctor and here's what he told me:

When I told him what happened this morning, he told me to go to my GP soon and have my heart evulated. He said from what I told him about this morning (yawning and shortness of breath) he said that it may be an arythmia (sp?). He said that the sugar could also play a part in b/c when your blood sugar drops your body releases adrenaline and if my heart isn't working properly then it may not be distributed properly or quick enough (something like that, I was a little thrown so I can't remember exactly) but he's also concerned b/c I had the oatmeal this morning and it didn't work like it has been - so it leads him to believe it could be something other than the sugar... Clear as mud? Bottom line: I need to call my GP asap and get in for an EKG.

Now I've had "episodes" with my heart racing about 3 yrs ago and they did an echo and everything looked picture perfect and then it all stopped when I changed jobs so they chalked it up to stress. I never bought it but have felt fine ever since... until I got pg. So even though the "episodes" are completely different in symptoms etc. I'm still a little nervous about what is going on.

I have an appt for Monday @ 2 with my GP so I'll keep you posted.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

October 17, 1996

Today is Austin's birthday. He turns 10 and I can't believe it. 10 years ago today I was sitting in the hospital being induced to deliver my first child, my son.

What an incredible little man I have raised. I don't know if I did a good job or if he just got all the right genes to make him such a gentleman but he is the sweetest. I feel bad for him though in the sense that one day some girl is going to coming along and shatter his heart into a million pieces. I've known this for a long time but as he gets older, it gets clearer and clearer. Hopefully, I'll be prepared being as how I could see it coming for years.

I hope his teacher doesn't load him up on homework today so that we can enjoy this evening with him. I'm so so proud of him and just thinking about him sometimes makes me feel like exploding with joy.

Happy Birthday Austin!

Friday, October 13, 2006

My sister - My baby shower

This is a vent.

So my sister is trying to help my SIL plan my baby shower. She's seems adamant about doing so and will take no help from me to even help with food. I could go on about the details but I'll get to the meaty stuff.

April 2004, my sister had her first child, my nephew Kyle. Her best friend and I talked about throwing her a "surprise" shower but never got knee deep into details before she had a tizzy thinking that no one was throwing her a shower b/c neither her or dh had heard anything. I tried telling her that that's what a "surprise" was all about but she wouldn't hear of it and just got pisssy (went as far as calling me liar) and told me to forget it that her husband was going to throw her shower - so he did but not before things got really ugly between us due to her behavior.


Can you guess?
It's being thrown in my face. Just today I heard how someone should've thrown her a shower blah blah blah... I told her that we tried but she threw a tizzy and she said, "Poor Kyle" (like he missed out on something) "You still could've thrown one." and then "I'm not getting into this..." and logged off of IM without me being able to say another thing.

Why does my family have to be so difficult? I never asked her to offer to help with my shower. I have so much stress in my life right now with the bathroom, Austin etc... and all morning my sister was trying to help relieve my stress when she throws this on my shoulders. I wanted to tell her that she didn't have to do anything for me but she didn't let me.
I can't say that I didn't expect this sooner or later...

Thursday, October 12, 2006

31wk sonogram

First of all, everything looked good.

He's still a boy (we saw testicles) and his heart rate was 134.I was exactly 31wks yesterday and he measured 31wks 1d and approximately 3lbs 9ozs. He's also head down.

We got 4 pics and they aren't that great. The sonographer had several great photo opportunities and didn't take any of them. The picture I uploaded to SN, Jack looks like he's going to cry but just a second or two before he looked so peaceful - if she would've only snapped it then... Oh well. He's still cute.

The sonographer was really nice and I think at the end she was trying to get us more pics but I asked if it was ok that I bend my knees b/c my back felt like it was breaking and she said it was fine and asked if I was ok. I was but then a few minutes later I had to ask if I could sit up b/c I can't breathe on my back and it was starting to make me light headed so she ended the sono then... darn it. I know she was doing it for my benefit but I wanted a GOOD pic. Again, oh well.

And one last thing -
Surprise! Surprise! My placenta is anterior which is why I can't feel him so much. As we were watching the screen she said, "Did you see that? He's kicking you." And I said, "I don't feel a thing." She said, "I do." (b/c she was holding the wand).

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

So stressed out!

I'm ready to curl up and cry.

We are remodeling our bathroom downstairs and we had the wallpaper taken down in the bedroom and the walls painted - this is going to be Austin's new bedroom. However, the contractors are now going on a month since the bathroom has been demo'd and it's still not complete. They told me it would be finished in 7-10 days once the demo was done. The demo was done in a day and now a month later we're still waiting for it to be finished.

This stresses me out b/c I can't do Jack's room until we move Austin into his room. We can't move Austin until the paint and bathroom is finished. I'm going out of my mind worrying that I won't have everything done in time for Jack's arrival. The room & bathroom are a complete and utter mess. I'm going to have to take days off of work when it's finally done to clean and get things in order and to get Austin moved.

Add on top of that, everything that I'm going through with Austin and his teacher and I'm about ready to have a melt down. I really hope that something gets resolved at our parent/teacher conference on Friday. I emailed the teacher today requesting that a guidance councelor or vice-principal be present at the meeting b/c I want to walk away from that meeting with a sense of accomplishment knowing that I'm helping Austin. I don't know where to go from here and I'm not about to take advice from his teacher. I'm afraid I won't have an open mind at the meeting and I need to make that a priority. Please pray for me to have the strength I need to get through this.

On a good note, Bill came home last night. What a relief. With him gone, I felt I was carrying the load alone and I was really getting weighted down.

Also, I get a sonogram tonight and I'm really excited about that. I can't wait to see Jack. I can't wait to see him in 3D! I'll post pics tomorrow!

Tuesday, October 3, 2006

Flippin' teacher

She strikes again!

First let me point out that they had THREE (3) tests last Thursday - a bit much for 5th graders in my opinion but at least it was all of them and not just Austin...

So I ask him yesterday if he got his tests results back for math and social studies b/c those were the only 2 I knew about and he said, "No, but I got my spelling test back!" I told him I didn't realize he was having his spelling test on Thursday as well and asked his grade (he's a GREAT speller, I have no worries here). He said, "a B+" A little confused I asked him which word he missed and he told me that he missed a couple of the BONUS words.
Here he didn't miss ONE spelling word but at the end of the test she gave them 5 bonus words and he missed 2 of the 5 and ended up getting a B+ - INSTEAD of which, in my opinion, should've been 3 pts towards extra credit.

I'm about ready to explode here!! I'm trying to contact ex or his wife - since Austin was with them last night - so that they can verify that they saw the test with their own eyes and what Austin said is correct before I call the school and raise a stink!

Thursday, September 28, 2006

I have an announcement to make:

We have a name for our newest bundle of joy that is set to arrive on 12/13/2006.

Jack Alexander

I'm so glad to finally have settled on this. There's no significance to the name but Jack is derived from John which happens to be my dad's middle name and my FIL's first name so that's cool even though that wasn't the intent/purpose for the name.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

I could cry.

Austin brought home a progress report from school, which showed him completely failing EVERYTHING. :(

The teacher did write on there that so far they've only had 2 tests and everything else is homework or in class stuff and there are 4wks left of the grading period so there is time to recover. But I got on Austin for it and told him that I want to proud of him and that his grades are disappointing. He plays it all off but when he came out to do the dishes (Bill was mowing the grass so it was just the two of us) I told him to come here and I just hugged him and he started crying. I didn't even say anything so that broke my heart. Deep down he is stressing about it and every time he gets a bad grade, I tell Bill and then I tell his father and he has to hear about it from every side. :( I told him this morning that I loved him no matter what and that I know he can get good grades, he got ALL A's & B's last year (not ONE C) so I wasn't going to say anything more about it (outside of checking his homework) until I see his report card.

Honestly, I think the grading is a bit unfair. I'd bet a lot kids got progress reports. They grade EVERY single paper done. There's no margin for error. They screw up one paper and it goes against them - for example: one of the papers he brought home the other day was an F, he got 3.5 out of 6 right or something like that and he said that he didn't have time to finish it b/c he went to the bathroom and when he came back, math was over and he had to turn it in... Now, maybe he took a while in the bathroom, who knows, but can't that be expected from time to time - crap! - they are only 5th graders (9 & 10 yr olds)!!! Austin doesn't want to fail nor does mean too. We all know he's smarter than that and I think that things were drastically changed on all the students this year from last year - they GRADE homework! I'm hoping it's just an adjustment period for him and once he gets used to the "new" ways, things will improve.

Remember, he got ALL A's & B's last year - not one C!!!! Now he's failing??????????

I really don't know what to do. Like I said, I'm hoping things will improve.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Teacher conference

I had a parent teacher conference yesterday and I get a strong motherly feeling that Austin's teacher doesn't like him. She didn't say anything nice about him except he was “smart enough to get by" and I'm really peeved by the whole conversation. I was really hard on Austin when we got home but I didn't yell at him. I told him that this was his future and only he can change things. I took his away his game boy and play station privileges until I heard a better report from the teacher.

The teacher was basically saying that Austin is a distraction and she thinks he shows several signs of ADD. Well, I'm not comfortable putting Austin on drugs. I explained to her that he was also the youngest in her class (he always is) and she was quick to say that his behavior would not be acceptable in 4th grade either. Grrrrrr… She also says he's disorganized. Why? She tells me it’s because they sit in groups of 5 and he's the desk on the end - well - the 2 desks in front of him are empty a lot of day and he uses them to put his notebook and papers on and the teacher doesn't like it. I said "he's probably using them b/c he can!" but no, she says he's disorganized.

She said that Austin went around the room asking for a pencil today and no one would give him a pencil. She said when he got ½ way around the room she started listening to him. I said, “Why doesn’t he have any pencils?” She said, “I don’t know.” And then asked him, “Austin, do you have a pencil?” He reached in his bag and pulled out a pencil. She said, “Is that yours?” He said, “Yea.” She said, “Then why were you asking everyone for a pencil today?” And his reply was, “I needed a yellow colored pencil.” She said, “Do you have a yellow crayon?” He looked in his bag and pulled out a yellow crayon, to which she replied, “Well you could’ve used that.” If she was listening so closely earlier than she would’ve known he was asking for a yellow colored pencil and then directed him to use a crayon instead but no, that’s not what happened. She was trying to throw him under the bus in front of me. Basically her story backfired.
She gave me another example of him not handing in his revisions yet for his science paper so again, she asked him about it in front of me. He said that when she came by his desk she told him that he was missing a bunch of stuff so he just decided to do the whole thing over – he even asked her “don’t you remember?” And she, of course, didn’t so he explained again and now she says, “Oh yes, I vaguely remember that now.” Again, she tried throwing my son under the bus in front of me and it backfired.

When I mention advanced classes, they all say absolutely not b/c he's not organized enough or this or that plus there are too many kids in the class already blah blah blah. At the same time, I wouldn't want to put him in an advanced class if he really shouldn't be there... Yet her only grade for him so far was 100%... I told her that she’d be pressed to get any less than an "A" on a spelling test from him.

Plus - every year we get the same complaints from/about Austin - EXCEPT for last year, last year we didn’t get ONE complaint and when his dad went to the parent/teacher conference she praised him - the only difference in last year is that the seats were in rows and all the other years the seating was grouped in 4’s and 5’s. That's when the teacher said to me, "That teacher doesn't complain about anyone." Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr – bitch

I asked her what I could do to help her and she said nothing but then later asked me for suggestions. I suggested she pull his desk back some so he can’t reach the empty desks in front of him and ‘force’ him to be organized and to maybe seat him alone but she didn’t like that idea stating that “those” children are always the ones to end up in the principal’s office later in life and “he’s not that kind of child.”

Bottom line: I don’t like her. She came at me all wrong. Austin is a GREAT kid. He’s the kind of child that I only receive compliments on – no one ever has anything bad to say about him. Last year he got all A's & B's (not one C all year) and he's kind, giving and polite. I just wish that she could’ve added some compliments to all of her negativity, hell, she is talking about my CHILD. Does she not expect me to proctective or defensive? I'm all about recognizing the problem and willing to help but when it seems as though she just doesn't like him (and he adores her) then how can I differeniate the problem through her frustration?

Thursday, August 24, 2006

24wks & my brother

Well, I was 24wks yesterday and I borrowed my sisters’ fetal heart monitor b/c the baby made me nervous with no movement again this past Saturday. I found the h/b right away and since then I swear I've been feeling him more often.

Yesterday we had someone come and take measurements to remodel our full bath downstairs. I don't think it looks bad (nothing like the upstairs bathrooms) but it really can use some revamping and we want to get that done before Austin moves down there and takes over that bathroom.
My list is a mile long these days of things that need to be done before the baby gets here. It’s crazy. I’m most concerned about relocating Austin mainly because he’s not thrilled about it – now - but in a year or two, he LOVE that bedroom, it’s bigger than mine. When I get him relocated, I’ll feel as though a load was lifted.

I could go on and on about my “list” but I won’t. I’m sure I’ll get here (to my journal) about things as they come. I would like to type it out one day when I have time but work has been VERY busy, taking my time, and I don’t get online at home b/c it’s slow it’s frustrating.

I also got news regarding my brother today – the one that’s in jail… Unfortunately, I don’t think he’ll be getting out anytime soon b/c right before he went to jail he apparently wrote fraudulent checks (his checks with a zero account balance - does that make them fraudulent or bounced?). It’s all catching up to him as they now have my mother’s address and there are warrants out for his arrest. What can I say? The way I feel is: You do the crime; you do the time. My mother is blowing it out of proportion b/c she needs the drama in her life and it’s pathetic. She needs help. I do love her, I do but the older I get the less respect I have.

Have a wonderful day.

Monday, August 14, 2006

22wks and still worried

Why oh Why can't I relax this pregnancy?

I know that it's b/c of my miscarriage history (I always feel like the other shoe is going to drop) and b/c my sister lost my nephew at 26wks. They said that while they don't know when he "died" in utero, that he measured 22wks gestation. She had her 20wk sono and everything looked great but I guess it wasn't as great as they all thought, something was wrong. I saw my nephew and he looked "perfect", they say it was a cord issues - too narrow or something along those lines but what if... ...

But I'm 22wks, 23 on Wednesday but gosh, the smallest thing happens and I freak.

Why am I journaling about this today? Well, because I've noticed that if I want to feel the baby move all I really need to do is place my hand at my pantyline and he'll give me a thump. So this morning I wake up, have breakfast and I decide that I want to feel baby move, I go lay down on my bed, place my hand in said place and waited. Nothing. I moved around, jostled my belly and waited for movement...nothing. So I get up brush my teeth and get ready to jump in the shower but I must first go check for movement...nothing. I shower and try again...nothing. I'm sure you can see where this is going. I never did get to feel him this morning and now I have myself wondering if everything is ok.

As I sit at work now, I think I might feel some slight movement/kicks in there and it's enough to reassure me for now but I wish that I could sit back with the same ignorant bliss I had when I was pregnant with Austin.

Wednesday, August 2, 2006

Um, Wow?

I don't even know where to begin with this entry but it's one that must be written.

I'm going to go back quite a few years....

When I was 7 my dad left us. My mom and dad divorced and each got remarried... My dad lived in FL (we were in PA) so I never met his wife... However, living with my mom, we got the joys of living with her new husband or my step-dad, Rich. My mom went into this relationship with 4 children (3 daughters and a son), Rich went into it with 3 sons - together they had my baby brother.

Rich was an abusive (I'm talking: physical, emotional & sexual) alcoholic. I don't believe, out of the 8 kids and my mom, that any of us were spared from his abuse. I could list some of the horrific moments of my childhood but I won't, just know that it was bad.

My mom, eventually, left him. It wasn't as easy as that since he stalked and threatened us with a gun in his possession but we managed to get away. My mom left with her children and my baby brother (who's father gave up parental rights to and let my -real- dad adopt him when my dad and mom remarried each other a few years later down the road - complicated I know), his children stayed with him.

It's been approximately 20yrs since we've seen him and our "step brothers", who my mom legally adopted.

Monday my baby brother, who is now 24, was contacted through his Myspace account by my youngest "step-brother", who is now 26. I KNEW this day would come... they are 1/2 brothers and each have been casually looking for the other. I'm not even sure if my baby brother remembers him but it was the fact that he had 3 half brothers out there that nagged him.

My baby brother is ecstatic but he knows none of his "real" father's actions. Basically, no one will tell him unless he asks, so far he hasn't asked... I don't even know how much my step-brother remembers since he was so young as well...

I, myself, am torn as to whether or not I should contact my step brother. He never did anything to me, as a matter of fact, he was only 6 when I last saw him but I'm not sure I want to open that can of worms since on his "Myspace" page he lists his father as one of his heroes. I don't need or want his father back in my life. The thought of it, alone, scares me to death.

My baby brother has plans to meet my step brother over Labor day weekend. I'll update more when there's more to say.

Friday, July 21, 2006

It's a BOY!

I had my level II sono today and they did not do it in 3D or 4D just the regular ol' sono machine... when I asked, the lady said, "We don't do 3D here for fun." For fun?? Anyhow...

The sonographer was training an intern so the intern (who looked like a smaller Kate Winslet) did the measurements and the sonographer watched/helped. They were more professional than friendly. They didn't show us (Austin) much fun stuff, they were all about measurements. And when they walked out of the room, I said to Bill that they didn't give us any pics and that's when the intern came back in the room and said, "Let me print you some pictures." She printed 4 and 2 of them are the same. Not to be inconsiderate but gee thanks... The last time we went there at 12wks we got like 10 pics and the sonographer did her best to get good cute pics just for us. Not this time.

Now the fun stuff. The heart rate was 138 and IT'S A BOY! Very clearly a boy, might I add. The pics they gave me were 2 side profiles, one of the baby's feet crossed and one of his penis - no spine, no arms, no legs, no toes, no nothing... Poor Austin was bored and to top it off, he wanted a sister.

I'll scan the pics when I get to work on Monday, right now, I'm going to take a nap.

They did say that everything looked great.

We're all thrilled. Bill was calling his friends saying that they had enough boys between them that they could carry on the card games. I think he's more excited about a boy than he thought he would be.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

18wks and Insecure

Last night I cried. My body is getting the best of me...

I'm so insecure about my body right now. The year before I got pregnant I started gaining weight so I decided one day when my pants were so uncomfortable all day to go on a no sugar diet and to work-out. So we bought an elliptical and I stuck to my diet and I lost 13-14 lbs! I bought new jeans in sizes that I hadn't seen in a very long time and Bill LOVED it. He thought I looked great.

Now I'm fat. I know I'm pregnant BUT Bill is a butt man and all of my weight gain has gone straight to my butt/hips/thighs and I'm worried that he doesn't find me attractive anymore... :( I mean why couldn't he be a boob man? Even at that he's afraid to tell me that he likes my bigger boobs b/c he doesn't want me to think that he won't like them when I'm no longer pregnant/breastfeeding.

We did talk last night and he reassured me that he does still find me attractive and apologized for not being more vocal about it. He's never very vocal about that stuff...

I know you ladies are tired of me complaining about my weight when, in fact, I'M PREGNANT but I guess I'm just more insecure and after coming back from the cruise b/c I don't know how much weight I gained and I'm afraid of getting on the scale to find out.

Thanks for listening.

Monday, July 10, 2006

I'm back from Alaska!

We had a great time!

And despite whatever anyone said, the weather in Alaska is (was) beautiful!! It was sunny & 65 - 72 deg almost everyday and it only sprinkled on us once for about a 15 min period on the 4th of July in Juneau. We did get to see fireworks before we left Skagway and it was kind of weird to see fireworks at 11pm with mountains as your back drop b/c the sky was still too light for the fireworks to actually show up had they shot them that high. We got to see whales and bald eagles and the scenery was breath taking.

All-in-all we had a blast! The traveling was tiring though... wore me out. Saturday morning the ship had breakfast from 6-8am so we woke at 6:30am and went to breakfast...

Let's put it this way...

6:30am Saturday, we were in Alaska
6:30pm Saturday, we were in Las Vegas
6:30am Sunday, we were in Baltimore

Yesterday we got home at 9am, slept from 10:30am - 2:30pm, and went back to bed at 8:30pm and I finally feel rested.

Pics... well, it could be a couple of days before I post pics. We bought a new camera before we left and I still need to download the software and figure all of that out and then I will load it at work so I can upload the pics to my Yahoo acct from here since it would take DAYS to upload all the pics from my lousy 24bps dial-up connection at home. I'll let you know when I'm done.

It's true what they say, there's no place like home. I had a great time but I'm glad to be back!

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Bye for now! (Alaska)

I'm leaving work in about 10 mins to go home and finish packing for Alaska and then were taking off in the morning.

I'll be back July 10th.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

16wk appt

Well, it was pretty boring. My blood pressure was 112/58 and I think I gained 3lbs (according to them...).

However, the baby's h/b went from 157 @ 12wks to 140 now... He said it was normal. That made me nervous after being anxious to start with... To me, that's a big drop but he told me that I didn't have to read between any lines with him b/c if there's something to worry about, he'll tell me.
Also, I asked him about my headaches and he prescribed me codeine and an anti-nausea pill.

And last but not least, I asked him why my butt/thighs were getting so big. He said that it was from an increase in estrogen. So I said, "Is that why they say that you carry girls in the butt/hips (low) and boys out front (high) (even though I thought that was the other way around for some reason) b/c of the extra estrogen that you get from your daughter?" And he said, "Yea."

So none of my mid-wives tales are clear cut for one sex or the other, even the Chinese chart says both when you look at two different ones.

My "big" sono is July 21 and it will be in Baltimore no matter how much I asked that it not be (Baltimore is like 1.5hrs away and last time it took all day and neither Bill nor myself wanted to miss another day of work.) b/c that's where I went for the genetic counceling and he said that they really know what they are doing there and can pick up very subtle measurements and with my age, he wants me to go there even though all my results came back great. It will be a level II. I wanted at least a 3D, I've never had one before and this could be my last pregnancy... I'm bummed about that.
That's about it.

Also, he said that I should be feeling the baby more at 17wks.

Thursday, June 8, 2006

She had her!

My 'first' niece is here and I got to watch the delivery.

Ainsley was 5lbs 9ozs and was 19" long and beautiful w/dark hair.
My sister had a fairly easy time with labor. She got an epidural and breezed right though, when it came time to deliver, she pushed for 22mins and didn't tear or need stitches of any kind. The dr was awesome with the delivery.

The baby was like 2wks early - not surprising since her first born was 10 days early - so she still had a lot of vernix (A greasy white substance coats and protects the baby's skin in utero. ) on her, which to me felt and looked like she was covered in Elmer's glue, so I never got to see her eyes open b/c they were glued shut with the vernix but my sister said once they bathed her, her eyes were open.

I don't have any pics and I was home by 8:30pm and in bed by 9:45pm but I was EXHAUSTED - and this morning, even after a FULL night of sleep, I'm still EXHAUSTED. You'd think I was the one that gave birth. Ugh! I need to WAKE UP!

I can't wait to see Ainsley again but I don't think I'll get to see her until Friday...

On a side note: I love my sister's kids birthdays. Her son was born on 4-7-04 and her daughter was born on 6-7-06.

Wednesday, June 7, 2006


Me first. :)

Today I'm 13wks - YAY!!! :D It's time to celebrate and time to relax.

Also, I got the results back from my genetic testing. Before the tests, my odds were 1 in 299 for Down Syndrome - after the tests, my odds were lowered to 1 in 5,961 whew!!! And for the Trisomy 13 & 18 my odds, before the tests, were 1 in 534 and after the tests, they were 1 in less than 10,000. Great news all around. The lady that called said to me, "Those are the odds you get when you're a teenager."

Now for my sister:
She did not go into labor yesterday and she was to be at the hospital this morning at 6:30am for registration. Well, they called her and told her that they didn't have any beds to call them at 7. So she called at 7 and they told her to call back at 9. So she called back at 9 and they said that they still didn't have any beds that they would call her. Now when she called at 7, she informed the nurse that she was already dilated to 4 and the nurse said, "I know! We have that marked on your chart and we HAVE to get you in."

So I came to work. I was going to take the whole day off and just go to the hospital with my sister but when they told her to call back at 9 I just made the decision to go to work until she heard something... so that's where I'm at now. Just waiting on GO.

Tuesday, June 6, 2006

Austin is so sweet.

Austin was with his father Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun this past week so last night was the first time I had seen him in a while. This morning while we were getting ready he said to me, "Oh! I have books for my baby brother or sister."

And I replied, "Where'd you get them from, Meg? (thinking ex gave him books that his little brother didn't read anymore).

And he said, "No. I bought them at the used book sale at school. I bought Oh no! The train won't go and It's always night time in the day time with your eyes closed".

How freaking sweet/thoughtful is he? He has always had a big heart but this just makes my cup runneth over.

Second in line for journal worthy news.... my sister.

She's 36wks pregnant and she went to the doctor yesterday for her first weekly check-up which included an internal and guess what? She's already 50% effaced and 4 (YES FOUR!!) centimeters dilated!!!! The doctor said, "Want to have the baby on Wednesday?" My sister was so freaked - she didn't think there would be any dilation - so she was sweating the whole way home from her appointment with a stress and joy combination.
So this morning I ask what she's decided and I think she has decided to have the baby Wednesday so that 1) their son can go to daycare and 2) I can be there b/c if Kyle weren't in daycare, then I'd have to watch him and miss the birth... but then she said to me this morning, "but I don't think I'm going to make it until tomorrow, I've already had sharp pains, they aren't consistent but they are there." And with them doing the internal yesterday, they could've opened pandora's box - so to speak!! Anyhow, her husband is freaking out about having the baby today on 6-6-06 but there's not much she can do...

So I'll update again once baby Ainsley arrives. Could be tonight, could be tomorrow!!

Friday, June 2, 2006

Genetics couseling

So yesterday we went to our appointment for genetics counseling where basically all they did was talk to us, do a sonogram and a finger prick for some blood samples - all so that they can check for a chromosomal defect because of my age and history of miscarriages. The blood work will take a couple of days but just by going on the sono alone they said that everything looks good with an accuracy of 70%-80% then combine the blood work with the sono and they should be able to tell with an accuracy of 82%-90% whether or not the baby will have downs syndrome. So far so good.

Now I must say that I was really excited to see the sono and the baby was just darling. I was 12wks 1d and the baby just laid "quite comfortably" (in the words of the tech) in my uterus as though (s)he was lying in a hammock just sleeping away. The tech tried shaking the baby up a little to wake the bugger so that she could get the measurement that she needed but baby didn't wake up to well. (S)He rolled over, moved its arms but gave the tech a hard time with her measurement.

The heart rate was 157bpm and baby was measuring right on time. Bill was shocked. He said, "This is cool. I don't know what I was expecting but I didn't expect to see arms and legs (ie: a full baby)." So I'm really glad he was able to see but last night while I was lying in bed, I couldn't help to think of the tiny being that was located in my uterus just below my belly button. Honestly, I was, and still am, amazed.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006


Wow! I've been waiting for 12wks to come along for what seems like forever now. However, I won't completely let my guard down until next week. For some reason, I feel the need to hit 13wks before I start to celebrate.

I had a dr appt yesterday and I was hoping to *hear* the heartbeat but when I got there the office was packed with pregnant women everywhere. I had scheduled my appt at 5:30 so I wouldn't have to miss any work but apparently the dr was way behind because of a delivery that took forever and then shortly before I got there another woman had to go to L&D for a c-section... They asked me to go run errands or eat dinner and come back. While I was talking with them, one of the said pregnant women calls her husband and she said, "If you're hungry then you should eat because I will be here for a while, I've already been here since 3:30..." That was all I needed to hear when they told me that they could get me in at 1:30 today. I took it and now I have to leave work early but they were understanding. I just don't understand why they didn't try to call me and reschedule before I got there? Oh well, it is what it is.

So hopefully today, I'll get to hear the heartbeat.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

The nerve

I'm so sorry to keep coming here and complaining but things came to a head today.

My sister just asked if I could watch her son while she goes to ex's reception.
Here was my reply:

ME: Shannon, I hope you understand but I have a hard time watching Kyle so you and Ronnie can celebrate Jay and Megs marriage... :( I haven't said anything b/c I don't want us to fight but it hurts ... like I said, I hope you understand.
Shannon: its always something
Shannon: you never can help us out babysitting
Shannon: i should know better then to ask
ME: I'm terribly sorry you can't/won't understand.
Shannon: well for one YOU are MARRIED
Shannon: two its not about meg/jay & you - its about you always telling me no you can't babysit for whatever reason
Shannon: you are not terribly anything

Why can't she see? :( I didn't want to fight and now she's angry. She's so self-centered. :( Am I wrong? Really. Please be honest with me. Should I babysit?

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

My mom

So my sister tells me today a conversation that she had with my mom the other day---

It went something like this:

Mom: So what's Sharon going to do for baby stuff?
sister: She'll have a shower or I'll throw her shower.
Mom: But she has a baby.
sister: She has a 9yr old (ftr, Austin will be 10 when this baby is born)

And then my sister said that she just made a snicker like it was the most ridiculous thing she ever heard.

I have issues with my mom to start with and this just p*ssed me off for some reason. This is Bill's [our] first child, can his family/friends throw a shower to celebrate without being frowned upon because I already have a child?

Am I being petty or blowing this out of porportion?

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

10wks today!

I am 10wks today.

I’m feeling more relaxed now and have all last week. I really don’t have any new symptoms to report, I just wanted to tell anyone who would listen.

Now on to Austin:
Austin got up and got ready for school so fast this morning because I told him (after he asked yesterday) that I would let him take in a flower to his teacher this morning if he got ready on time. He also asked me yesterday if he could invite his teacher to his next b-day party. He just adores his teachers - always has and loves to do “nice” things for them. He likes to please them.

Now on to my sister:
My sister is 33wks pregnant and she told me today, “It’s hard for me to accept you being pregnant”. She said, “I’m selfish because I'm consumed with being pregnant.” And she went on to say, “It’s not bad that I'm being selfish, it’s just I'm used to being the [only] one pregnant right now.”
I can’t believe she said this to me. But whatever, that’s my sister for you.
And I found out that she’s going to my ex’s wedding (to the home wrecker) in June. WTF is that? Is there NO loyalty in our family? I didn’t say anything to her because it’s not going to change anything and we’ll just end up fighting.

I can't believe her... *shaking head* She thinks it's perfectly acceptable. What do you think?

Monday, May 8, 2006


Ok. I've stopped spotting as of Saturday.

I've started to feel optimistic about this pregnancy again but I just can't get one thing the doctor said out of my head to allow myself to be completely optimistic. In other words, until I hit 12/13 wks, I will still have some doubts.

What the dr said was:
"Most miscarriages happen because of too many chromosomes, like more than one sperm has fertilized the egg. It's like building a house with 5 sets of blueprints, you can only build it so high before it falls over."

I don't know why this is nagging at me but it is.

Plus, I got on the scale again this morning - at 8wks 5d I'm at a weight gain of 6lbs. I can't seem to slow it down. I think a lot of it is bowel distention but .... who knows - I could just be trying to kid myself.

Plus I need to rant about my mother. All she does is gossip. When I was spotting I called to tell her and she added me her prayer chain at church which was great. But no sooner did I hang up that she called my older sister and my youngest brother. *IF* I wanted them to know, I would've called them. I told her b/c she was my mother and I figured would want to know. But it seems that the only reason she 'wants' to know is so that it gives her something to talk about.

So after my appointment, I called her to tell what the doctor said. And I tell her that my sisters 26wk old stillborn (Cole) meant a whole lot more to my doctor when he found out that we were identical twins and - No Lie - she *gasped* and repeated to her husband this:"Cole meant a lot more to Sharon's doctor than her (own) 3 m/c's." WTF? When did I say that? I swear she's crazy. I corrected her and got off the phone rolling my eyes. I just can't talk to her anymore. She drives me batty.[/rant]

Wednesday, May 3, 2006

8wks today

Yesterday was a bad day.

I got to work like normal and everything was happening - like normal - and then I went pee for the first time around noon (TMI ahead) and my underwear were practically soaked with brown blood. I went pale. I came back to my desk and IM'd my sister who told me to call the doctor ASAP - like I didn't already know to do this. But I had to go tell my boss what was going on so I could close my office door and make the phone call without interruptions. And I was fine as long as I was typing but when I had to actually speak to my boss, I lost it. Then there was the look on her face and the hug she gave me that turned me into a babbling idiot who was barely audible.

I already had an appointment scheduled for yesterday so they told me to wait until my appointment and try to relax. Then I called Bill. He was supportive and was sure to tell me that he loved me no matter what was about to happen. He rearranged his schedule so he could come the to doctor with me. He was so swamped at work, I felt guilty for adding more stress to his life although I understand the importance of him being at the doctor and he was happy to come. After I called Bill and the doctor, I left work then and there and I went home and actually was able to nap. Bill came home and took me to the doctor.

We did the whole normal first OB appointment including the 1hr GTT, 5 vials of blood, all of my history, a breast exam, a pap and then FINALLY they did a sono. Oblivious to my stress and worry was my little baby in there witha heart just beating away. The doctor said that the baby was waving at us, he said, "Look, that's the hand right there, it's waving at you." But I couldn't take my eyes off the heart beat. Before the doctor left the room, he said that he sees nothing wrong with me.

The first thing the doctor said to me was, "40% of all pregnancies have bleeding in the 1st trimester."

I asked what could be causing it and he said that it could implantation. I said, "This late?" He said, "Yes, because up until 12wks the placenta is still embedding itself into the uterine wall." He also said that it could be my body trying to cycle. It's fairly normal to spot at 4, 8 & 12wks because your ovaries don't know that you are pregnant so they are trying to cycle like normal which could cause a dip in hormones resulting in spotting.
So while I still have no real answers and probably never will, the baby and myself looked good. The doctor said there are 3 milestones in the 1st trimester:

1) seeing the heartbeat
2) 10wks
3) 12wks

So please let's everyone say a prayer that I make it the next 2 weeks. This spotting stuff has now made my once "good feeling" about this pregnancy a skeptical one and that really stinks. I'm tired of the constant worry that lingers in the back of my mind but it looks as though it's not going anywhere for a while.

Thanks to everyone who had me in their thoughts and prayers yesterday.

Thursday, April 20, 2006


There was 'a' heart beating 120bpm. Now I can breathe a little easier. ahhhhhhh

Also, the first thing she asked was, "What was the first day of your LMP?" I told her and said that it's not accurate but they HAVE to use that to go by so I asked if she would tell me how far I was measuring so I could compare it with what I had, which was 6wks 1d - she did her measurement and said, "You are measuring 6wks 1day." I was SPOT ON.

Well that's about it. I'm happy. Bill got to see a heartbeat and a yolk sac, he learned something today.

(S)He was .38 cm long.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Dangerous Fries by Austin (age 8)

Once there was a factory. The factory made french fries. One day I was at home watching t.v. My mom called me upstairs to go to bed. I came upstairs and got ready for bed. I got in bed and went to sleep. At 12:30am I woke up and heard a screaming sound coming from the factory. I looked out of my window at the factory and I saw nothing so I went back to sleep. In the morning my mom woke me up and said, "Let's go to school." I heard the screaming sound coming from the factory again, I looked out of my window again and I saw french fries invading the factory. I pushed my mom out of the way and ran downstairs past the t.v. and out of the door. I ran to the factory and the factory workers were gone because the french fries ate them. But I ate the french fries. Everybody gave me $10.13. I was glad that I had enough money to buy a thing that I've always wanted. The thing that I've always wanted was a large bag of hot fires. I went home and told my mom I saved the factory. My mom did not believe me at all. She just said, "Oh really, prove it." So I proved it. She was impressed at what I did. My mom even gave me $10.13. I was happy. Now the factory is gone. I still wonder what happened to it. Maybe it got eaten by hot fries. Oh no! My bag of hot fries is gone! That's why the factory is gone. I went to the factory again and saw hot fries lying all over the ground. I screamed and told my mom. My mom came to the factory with me and saw the bag lying on the ground, it said, "Large bag of hot fries." That's how I knew it was mine. But how did they get it open? That was the question. We looked at the bag again and there was a hole burnt right thru it. They used their hotness of them and burnt a hole right thru the bag. The hole was on a black spot. We looked and saw one more french fry, so I ate it. Just to make sure the hot fries were gone for good, I ate them. Then, I saw cheddar fries invading my house. Where did they come from? I sure don't know. I see the mayor eating some so now I don't have to save the day again because the mayor took care of those fries. Wasn't that a long story?

This is a story courtesy of my 9 yr old son, Austin who wrote this story when he was 8. There are a few other stories, variations of nursery rhymes, but I can't find the one I want - The Three Little Pigs. I'll keep looking though and if I can't find it, I'll post a different one at a later time.

I hope you enjoyed it. :D

Friday, April 7, 2006

Negative People

Ok, so I'm pregnant. After 3 m/c's I'm a bit nervous. I actually do feel positive about this pregnancy and betas were wonderful but I won't be completely at ease until I see that heartbeat on April 20th.

Anyhow, I haven't been able to read Bill - is he happy? - is he shocked? What is he? So I asked him yesterday. He told me that while this is the coolest thing that ever happened to him and he is happy, he's also cautious.

Why? Why? Why? Is he cautious? So I asked him and he went on to tell me that he was talking to his friend Tim and he told him that his wife Kristen was further along than I was and she m/c'd. Bill thought that he had a point. And so now, when I need him to be my ROCK after my 3 m/c's, he's cautious. WTF? Why would someone say this to Bill? This guy obviously wasn't thinking before he spoke but man I'm a bit angry. I asked Bill, "So when will you be happy? I had a m/c at 6wks, I had one at 7wks, my sister had a stillborn at 26wks and people have stillborns at 40wks?"

He went on to assure me that he was happy...

You can be guaranteed that he will be with me at that sonogram appointment no matter what he has going on that day. And I'm a little bummed about the whole situation.

Thanks for raining on my parade Tim and for taking away Bill's carefree happiness about this pregnancy...

Thursday, April 6, 2006

This 'n That

I'm not quite sure yet what I'm putting in this journal entry but I'm sure I'll fill up the page.

Let me start by saying that I won a book about a week ago from Literary Chicks. I think the title is Lonely Hearts by Susan McBride. I entered the contest using my work email and I had no idea I won because I changed my email address to my married name shortly before the drawing so they couldn't notify me and then one day it was in my mailbox.

I had more blood drawn yesterday for my 2nd beta.
12dpo = 162
14dpo = 511
Looks good to me.

I think I have my name changed just about everywhere now...what a pain. And Bill and I finally combined our bank accounts. I can't wait until everything is in order. I still have to cancel my checking account but I'm waiting for a check to clear and for our new checks to come in before I can do that.

When I told Austin I was pregnant, I started off by asking him if he wanted another brother or sister and he said, "No. I already have one and he's annoying." Austin has a 1/2 brother with ex who just turned 2 and I hear - through my sister - that he's bad.

We're still trying to plan our reception. And I still need to pull up our cruise info so we can book excursions before it's too late.

Also with a baby on the way, Bill and I need to look more seriously into remodeling the downstairs bathroom.

I feel like I've been so busy this week. I can't wait for things to calm but I'm not sure that's gonna happen until sometime in 2007... sigh

Saturday, April 1, 2006

The Circle of Life

So today we went to the funeral for a life long family friend of Bill's family. What a great service. It was all about Bob. A celebration of his life. Person after person got up and told a story about Bob and how he touched their life. This went on for 2.5 hours and then there was a slide show that was carefully put together. And of course, then there was food.

Unfortunately, I sat through the whole thing with a massive headache. I told Bill on a scale of 1-10 - one being slight and 10 being a migraine - that I was probably an 8/9 so we ended up leaving while everyone else went to his house to play one of Bob's favorite games, croquet. Bill was upset to leave but I couldn't help it, I was truly miserable. Our car ride home is a minimum of 1.5 hrs and I got progessively worse and by the time we did get home, I had terrible shakes and a migraine. I was miserable. Still am. I'm lying in bed right now typing on the laptop b/c it hurts my head too much to move.

You ask if I took something, advil, motrin, excedrin anything that would help....
I couldn't because all I had with me was Advil and this morning I tested POSITIVE at 10dpo! I'm PREGNANT! Hence, the circle of life. I told Bill and my sister, so far that's it. I'll test again in the morning with a different test. I'm not even sure of my due date - I think it'll be something like Dec 17...

So please tell me some remedies for headaches please as my extra strength Tylenol is NOT working.

eta: Per the due date calculator my EDD is 12/14/2006.

Monday, March 27, 2006


Well, I'm finally in the 2ww. Yes, I ovulated. Now we just keep our fingers crossed until we can test.

There hasn't been too much going on. We are still trying to plan our reception. There's too many cooks in the kitchen so to speak in order to get any decisions made and it's frustrating me to no end! Hopefully we'll come to a decision quick.

We invited my sister and bil over for dungeonous crabs yesterday - omg were they good.

Speaking of my sister, I think she's lost it. I really should journal about her a little more, she's crazy, it would be great entertainment. I really do love her but she's just off her rocker and I'd love to chalk it up to her being pregnant but sadly she's always like this...

On Thursday my sister told me that all of their finances are finally in order and right where they need to be and she' very happy. Then she starts talking about their next house...and I tell her that I think she should re-evaluate her relationship before buying a new house to which she said that either way she suspects he'll get 1/2 of everything anyhow. I explained to her that she doesn't want to buy and move into a new house only to have to sell it in order to give him 1/2. I was just looking out for her. She's not happy, he's not happy, they fight terribly, she doesn't trust him financially (remember this is the guy who was fired from his UPS and lied to her for over 5 months and then opened a credit card in her name and used it w/o her knowledge - she busted him on both accounts or who knows how long he would've kept up with the lies) and she says he disgusts her.

But then the switch is flipped and she asks me why I am I always telling her to get a divorce... we went round n' round for a bit and she basically handed me my head when I finally told her that she lived with him and I only heard bits & pieces and that I was sorry.

Then on Friday, she tells me that she was asking herself what she was doing with her husband, is she just waiting for things to get worse. She also asked me to read an article called, "How to know when to call it quits?" (or something along those lines) She went down the list of 10 things and tore him up and went on and on again about how disgusting she thinks he is, that she loves him but she's not in love with him, that they haven't had sex since she conceived 26 wks ago and so on with never mentioning our conversation from the day before. She's nuts!

Anyhow, wish me luck on my 2ww. I'll need it being as how I read the other day that couple 30-35 yrs old can take up to 9 months to conceive. Bill will be 37 this year and I will be 35... joy. It could be a long road.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

This 'n That

I still have not ovulated.

I was up half the night with the dog b/c going through the trash the other day up with him. I woke at 2am the first time with him vomitting on our bedroom floor. I jumped up and tried to get him out to a non-carpeted area but that didn't happen fast enough. So I go out to get some paper towels and I notice that he's thrown up once before that on the 'area' rug in the living room - DISGUSTING! I cleaned up what I could and decided to clean up the stain in the morning. Laid back down. 3:30am I'm back up to the dog heaving. Jump up and this time I'm successful at getting him off the carpet - outside would've been nicer but at least it wasn't on the carpet - clean it up, thinking I was going to hurl the whole time because it stunk so bad and go back to bed but not before putting the dog ouside for the rest of the night. I tell Bill what's going on so he's aware of why the dog is ouside and so that he's careful as to where he walks, even though I have papertowels down. It's now 9:30am and the dog is still sick. I feel bad for him but there's not much I can do for him. I think I'll call the vet when I get off the computer and see what they say.

We got our marriage license in the mail Thursday! YaY! Now I can start changing my name!

Austin told me a cute little poem the other day and I thought I'd share with you:

The more you study, the more you know
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So why study?

He's brilliant.

And last but not least, if you can spare some prayers Bill's cousin Kelly would appreciate it. She went through all of her treatments and her hair was growing back, her blood counts were increasing but apparently, the cancer is back and she went for her 1st chemo treatment with a new course of action to hopefully beat this once and for all.

Can you please send out a prayer for her?

Thursday, March 16, 2006


We're all sick.
Bill has a sinus infection.
Austin has strep.
And I have a virus that I'm hoping doesn't turn into strep...

I did not ovulate the other day so this cycle is not a bust. Although it seems like I'm never going to ovulate... I have long cycles 33-48 days long and it seems as though this will be another cycle of 40+ days. Probably because I'm sick. I'd like to act all flip about it but my patience is wearing thin. I mean it's my first month ttc, I just want to ovulate already. Why are my cycles so long and irregular?

Anyhow, I'm going to get off of here and do some housework since I'm home with Austin. I have a lot that needs done.

I hope everyone is having a great day. Send me some ovulating vibes please.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Parent tricks?

Yesterday Austin told me that he had $1,003 at daddy's. A thousand dollar bill and 3 ones. I said no he didn't because there's no such thing as a $1,000 bill (although I'm not positive) and he disagreed so I said it was in Monopoly money and he said it wasn't.

This went on for a bit so he offered to call ex so he could "Prove" it. I told him that was ok, I believed him.

That's when he told me that he knows if he tries to PROVE something, then I'll [automatically] believe him to avoid being wrong and then he said, "I also know a few more tricks about you parents but I'm not telling. "

OMG! I can't imagine what he knows... but how funny is that?

He does have $1,000 bill but it's like Argentian or something foreign.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

TTC woes

I guess this month was not meant to be after all.

I held off ovulation the whole time Bill was gone. Yesterday, he was coming home. Yay! His plane was to land at 4:30pm and that would have him arriving home at 8:00pm at the very latest.

Then his flight from Spokane, WA to Minneapolis, MN was delayed 2 hours b/c of a snow storm in MN. But, better safe than sorry. However, that delay caused him to miss his connecting flight... so they got on the VERY next flight to BWI that was available, it would take off at 7:10pm putting him home no later than midnight. However, when he went to go check the board, that flight is also now delayed 2hrs.

Long story short, Bill got home between 3 & 3:30 am and when I woke and took my temp, it shows a rise like I ovulated. Now, it could be a fluke temp. I've had none of my typical O signs...maybe because I'm sick which could also be the reason temp rise - I'm sick. Not to mention, it was 85 deg here yesterday and our house is VERY warm and I was sweating like a stuffed pig when I woke up.

But I'm not going to fool myself. I think I o'd...

I did wake Bill at 6:15am and we dtd but that still leaves me in the slim to none chance this month being as how an egg only lasts 6-12 hours.

Oh well, I tried. Damn trip.

I'm more upset about this than I thought I would be.

Wednesday, March 8, 2006

This 'n That

I met with a new gyn on Monday. The one I go to now just doesn't fit with my personality AT ALL. I've never met someone so boring and monotone and dry in all my life other than my micro/macro economics teacher in college. I really liked the new doctor so it was a sigh of relief.

The new doctor and I talked about the do's and don'ts of ttc. After this cycle he's going to give me clomid since I have really long unpredictable cycles.

Bill is going to Idaho tomorrow afternoon until Monday. He's checking out 'new' hunting property that will be much cheaper for him to hunt than where he's been going. He'll be gone some of the most important days of my cycle so again I'm praying this month to ovulate a little later rather than sooner.

I gained 3-4lbs in Jamaica and I've lost all desire to work-out and lose it. I am dieting but not exercising. And I just bought 5 candy bars from a guy at work. Dam(n) him.

My sister LOVES her new job. Her hours are 8:30-5 period. Her other office hours were 9-5 but they told her within her first week that she wouldn't be able to do her job in those hours so she started coming in at 8 and working some days until 6-6:30 and brought work home. Then they treated her like crap. The new job everyone is wonderful - hell, they hired her 6 mos pregnant. The guy that did the hiring has 8 children himself and he told her not to stress there at all. They want her to be happy and have a healthy baby. I'm happy that she found them.

I'm getting a head cold.
Bill already has it.

The woman who does my laser hair removal quit her job. Now I don't know if I can go back without having to pay more...

My sister asked Bill and I if we would be guardians of her children provided something happened to her and her husband at the same time - Dana Reeve got them thinking.

I need a living will.

I still have not received the marriage license but it could take up to 2 months. However, that means I can't legally change my name without it. I've changed my last name on my emails, my cell phone, my library card but credit cards, social security and driver license will all have to wait. I can't wait. I HATE my current last name. It's ex's last name. I only kept it for Austin's sake but that's not who I am anymore. I've hated it ever since I made the decision to keep it.

When I first met Bill he was pretty rough around the edges. I see them smoothing out now and it makes my heart melt. He's so sweet. Saturday he stayed at work to help one of his employees make something for personal use. When he came home I gave him a hard time b/c we needed bathroom stuff done - that I couldn't do - but he was tired. I said something along the lines that if he could stay at work longer to help someone, he could help me a little at home. Later he told me that the guy makes jewelry in his spare time and he told him that he would help him with what he needed but only if he made me something (jewelry).

About a week ago, Bill told me, "I realized today, how lucky I am." God I love him! I can die a happy woman now that we're married.

My life is complete.

Tuesday, March 7, 2006

An Austin funny

So our bathroom is finally up and running - and it's gorgeous! But Austin was taking a shower yesterday and here's our conversation (him behind the shower curtain, me in my room):

Austin: "Who's the blue soap for?"
Ftr, the 'blue' soap is a bar - Austin and I use body wash.

Me: "Billy."
Austin: "Oh, he doesn't use the body wash."
Me: "No."
Austin: "So he does it the old fashion way?"
Me: "Yep"

Using a bar of soap is now considered The Old Fashion Way. lol

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Am I ready?

I can't deny Bill a child. He's is so incredible with Austin, I can only imagine how he'll be with his own child. However, my baby is 9. I'm so excited to start ttc but sometimes I wonder what the hell I'm doing. Am I ready to start over? It would be different if I didn't already have a 9 yr old and I was naive to what it all involves but I do know.

Can I handle the late nights? Can I handle losing all of my *me* time, all of my *sleep* time? Can I handle the changing of diapers, the potty training, the broken sleep, the temper tantrums? Can I handle car seats and diaper bags? Can I handle someone relying on me 100% of the time now that Austin is self-sufficient? Will I breastfeed? Will I be a SAHM? [My body aches now] Can I handle a pregnancy?

I really am excited about ttc, I am! I can't wait for the 2ww! I can't wait for what leads up to the 2ww! I can't wait to be pregnant!

I know that I am so ready to have Bill's hands on my belly feeling his baby kick for the first time or going with me to the doctor's to hear the heartbeat or to see the sonogram with the flicker of a heart beating. I am so ready to see Bill look into his child's eyes while (s)he grasps his finger. I am so ready to see Bill change a diaper. lol I am so ready to see them sleeping together on the couch and to watch Bill grow as a father as his child grows.

BUT today is cd7 - Am I *really* ready?

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Normal entry

Well, because I'm such a nice person I feel like sh*t. I asked ex if I could claim Austin on my taxes this year - see we rotate years and I claimed him last year. Now I asked because I had NOTHING to claim this year. Last year I had Austin and the year before I still had my house, this year I had nothing and ex has a son with his fiancee so he claimed him and he let me claim Austin - with one catch, I would let him skip one month of child support. I agreed. It BY FAR worked to my advantage. Well ex called me on Friday and asked if I claimed the daycare, I explained that I had because I asked the accountant about it and he said that if ex isn't claiming the child, he can't claim the daycare costs. Ex rumbled under his breath... He owes the government $2,600 and that's with claiming his other son and his house! You ask how he owes so much? I found it's because he claims 5 and single! 5!! Anyhow, now I feel bad that I claimed Austin but if I hadn't, it would be me who owes $2,600, it's stupid I know but I feel guilty about this.

We had 1.5 bathrooms remodeled while we were gone. They were supposed to be finished while we were gone, we've almost been back for a week and they still aren't done.

We're finally unpacked.

Now that we are back we have to plan a party/reception. We've decided that we are going to - as nicely as possible - tell people that we prefer monetary gifts, if they feel the need to get us something. We don't NEED anything. We combined my house and Bill's house and trust me when I say it's full. I honestly can't think of ONE thing that we need where as with money, we can keep remodeling. We have a full bath downstairs that still needs remodeled and a new deck put on. The money would go a long way compared to a vase we don't need. Anyone know of a good way to word this? I don't want to sound like I'm asking them for a gift/money, kwim?

Bill's mom is going to be over bearing about this party. God give me strength to stand up for what we want and tell her all the things we don't want.

I forgot to mention a story from our trip:
A little embarrassing:At the Jamaican airport they 'searched' our bags and found my] and pulled it out and inspected it for all to see. *blush* I mean the guy was holding in the air at eye level. I don't think he realized what it was at least not until he smiled. Good thing he was wearing gloves!

I'm somebody's wife.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Jamaica - Part 3

**Thursday - Day 4**

This morning we woke to our First morning together breakfast (in bed), delivered by room service (ordered by us when we met with the wedding planner) – it was very good, we had omelets, toast, coffee & juice.
At this point I figured we had enough laundry so I filled out a slip, filled the bag (it was actually overflowing) and called laundry – they came and picked it up and delivered it back to us in less than 48 hrs. I love that amenity!
Then it was out to the beach! Jamaica finally came through for us and the sun was shining the weather was perfect from here on out – barely even a cloud in the sky! We went to lunch (in our bathing suits – I slipped on a pair of shorts and Bill a shirt) and then at 2:00 we went and picked 24 pictures from the 63 that were taken – how fun. Then it was back to the beach.
Around 5:00 we came in to get ready for dinner and after my shower I realized how uncomfortable my yeast infection was getting so I called the nurse. They called in a prescription of Diflucan and all I had to do was leave $19 at the front desk and then go back to get it within a ½ an hour. We at dinner at La Pasta, it was ok…
Tonight Bill wasn’t feeling good with a scratchy throat so we took it easy and caught the movie The upside of anger and then just fell asleep in each others arms.

**Friday - Day 5**

We ordered breakfast via room service today, then hit the beach, went to lunch, back to the beach, went in to shower and then went to dinner where they were having a Gala Party with a huge spread and entertainment.
On our way to dinner there was a woman who had a table set up and she was selling stuff, well, I happened to see a 5x7 frame that I wanted. The lady said $20. So I tried to haggle. She wouldn’t go below $20. All week I’d heard of people haggling but I couldn’t do it. See, I let her know that I really wanted the frame. After 3 different attempts – I walked away. Once we got inside I started looking for anyone that we’d met so far to see if they would haggle for me when the people at the piano bar (from day 3) came walking right towards us. I explained what was going on and ask if they could haggle – the one girl stepped forward and said, “What do you want and what are you willing to pay?” I told her the 5x7 frame for $15. She back and had bought it for $14 and then gave to us as a wedding present. Have I mentioned how nice everyone is??
After that we hung out at the piano bar and on our way back to our room we were invited into a hot tub that already had 4 couples in it (that’s 8 people(!), that we’d just met at the piano bar, they left before we did). They said that they were trying to displace as much water as they could. Did I mention they were ALL naked??? We passed and went home to bed.

**Saturday - Day 6**

By now my days are running together and I have no idea what day it is anymore, that’s a good thing. It would help to see a clock once in a while! This resort had ONE clock at the front desk – that was it! No clocks in your rooms – nothing! Very easy to lose track of time, whether your sleeping in or staying out too late!
Today was a laid back day I went to breakfast, Bill went to a Jamaican golf course with one of the guys he met, then I hit the beach, and when Bill got back we went to lunch, back to the beach, went in to shower and then went to dinner at Munasun, the Japanese restaurant. After dinner we walked the resort and took some pictures – which didn’t turn out that great. :mad: My yeast infection was feeling better so we had a little fun back in the room before falling asleep.

**Sunday - Day 7**

Day 7 was a lot like day 6 but Bill didn’t go golfing and we decided to try sailing which was neat but it was more work than Bill realized so we didn’t stay out too long. We got to go to the French restaurant, Piacere, again tonight because our wedding planner has friends who live close to us and we brought back coffee for them – under one condition: she made us reservations for the French restaurant. Again, dinner was awesome!!!

**Monday - Day 8 (our last day)**

We have to leave today. I’m happy and sad. I hate to leave such a gorgeous place with no worries but there’s no place like home and I miss Austin terribly! We try to hit the beach for a little bit before we leave but we didn’t realize checkout was at 11:00 – we extended it to 12 but it cut our beach time short so we could shower and pack. The flight home was uneventful and we arrived safely.

I need to say that we met people from all over the world including: Finland, Canada, London (and the guy asked us, “Have you forgiven us yet for sending you Simon Cowell?” ), Indiana, Kentucky, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Michigan and New York. These were some of the nicest people I think I ever met! We exchanged our emails with 3 couples! And all of them were repeaters to the resort so we might actually see them again. I can’t get over how laid back the Jamaican’s are, don’t worry be happy is a definite motto there and ya mon is phrase that I smile at every time I hear it now.
We really did relax and have a great time. If you read this far God Bless you!