8wks today

Yesterday was a bad day.

I got to work like normal and everything was happening - like normal - and then I went pee for the first time around noon (TMI ahead) and my underwear were practically soaked with brown blood. I went pale. I came back to my desk and IM'd my sister who told me to call the doctor ASAP - like I didn't already know to do this. But I had to go tell my boss what was going on so I could close my office door and make the phone call without interruptions. And I was fine as long as I was typing but when I had to actually speak to my boss, I lost it. Then there was the look on her face and the hug she gave me that turned me into a babbling idiot who was barely audible.

I already had an appointment scheduled for yesterday so they told me to wait until my appointment and try to relax. Then I called Bill. He was supportive and was sure to tell me that he loved me no matter what was about to happen. He rearranged his schedule so he could come the to doctor with me. He was so swamped at work, I felt guilty for adding more stress to his life although I understand the importance of him being at the doctor and he was happy to come. After I called Bill and the doctor, I left work then and there and I went home and actually was able to nap. Bill came home and took me to the doctor.

We did the whole normal first OB appointment including the 1hr GTT, 5 vials of blood, all of my history, a breast exam, a pap and then FINALLY they did a sono. Oblivious to my stress and worry was my little baby in there witha heart just beating away. The doctor said that the baby was waving at us, he said, "Look, that's the hand right there, it's waving at you." But I couldn't take my eyes off the heart beat. Before the doctor left the room, he said that he sees nothing wrong with me.

The first thing the doctor said to me was, "40% of all pregnancies have bleeding in the 1st trimester."

I asked what could be causing it and he said that it could implantation. I said, "This late?" He said, "Yes, because up until 12wks the placenta is still embedding itself into the uterine wall." He also said that it could be my body trying to cycle. It's fairly normal to spot at 4, 8 & 12wks because your ovaries don't know that you are pregnant so they are trying to cycle like normal which could cause a dip in hormones resulting in spotting.
So while I still have no real answers and probably never will, the baby and myself looked good. The doctor said there are 3 milestones in the 1st trimester:

1) seeing the heartbeat
2) 10wks
3) 12wks

So please let's everyone say a prayer that I make it the next 2 weeks. This spotting stuff has now made my once "good feeling" about this pregnancy a skeptical one and that really stinks. I'm tired of the constant worry that lingers in the back of my mind but it looks as though it's not going anywhere for a while.

Thanks to everyone who had me in their thoughts and prayers yesterday.