Wednesday, May 31, 2006


Wow! I've been waiting for 12wks to come along for what seems like forever now. However, I won't completely let my guard down until next week. For some reason, I feel the need to hit 13wks before I start to celebrate.

I had a dr appt yesterday and I was hoping to *hear* the heartbeat but when I got there the office was packed with pregnant women everywhere. I had scheduled my appt at 5:30 so I wouldn't have to miss any work but apparently the dr was way behind because of a delivery that took forever and then shortly before I got there another woman had to go to L&D for a c-section... They asked me to go run errands or eat dinner and come back. While I was talking with them, one of the said pregnant women calls her husband and she said, "If you're hungry then you should eat because I will be here for a while, I've already been here since 3:30..." That was all I needed to hear when they told me that they could get me in at 1:30 today. I took it and now I have to leave work early but they were understanding. I just don't understand why they didn't try to call me and reschedule before I got there? Oh well, it is what it is.

So hopefully today, I'll get to hear the heartbeat.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

The nerve

I'm so sorry to keep coming here and complaining but things came to a head today.

My sister just asked if I could watch her son while she goes to ex's reception.
Here was my reply:

ME: Shannon, I hope you understand but I have a hard time watching Kyle so you and Ronnie can celebrate Jay and Megs marriage... :( I haven't said anything b/c I don't want us to fight but it hurts ... like I said, I hope you understand.
Shannon: its always something
Shannon: you never can help us out babysitting
Shannon: i should know better then to ask
ME: I'm terribly sorry you can't/won't understand.
Shannon: well for one YOU are MARRIED
Shannon: two its not about meg/jay & you - its about you always telling me no you can't babysit for whatever reason
Shannon: you are not terribly anything

Why can't she see? :( I didn't want to fight and now she's angry. She's so self-centered. :( Am I wrong? Really. Please be honest with me. Should I babysit?

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

My mom

So my sister tells me today a conversation that she had with my mom the other day---

It went something like this:

Mom: So what's Sharon going to do for baby stuff?
sister: She'll have a shower or I'll throw her shower.
Mom: But she has a baby.
sister: She has a 9yr old (ftr, Austin will be 10 when this baby is born)

And then my sister said that she just made a snicker like it was the most ridiculous thing she ever heard.

I have issues with my mom to start with and this just p*ssed me off for some reason. This is Bill's [our] first child, can his family/friends throw a shower to celebrate without being frowned upon because I already have a child?

Am I being petty or blowing this out of porportion?

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

10wks today!

I am 10wks today.

I’m feeling more relaxed now and have all last week. I really don’t have any new symptoms to report, I just wanted to tell anyone who would listen.

Now on to Austin:
Austin got up and got ready for school so fast this morning because I told him (after he asked yesterday) that I would let him take in a flower to his teacher this morning if he got ready on time. He also asked me yesterday if he could invite his teacher to his next b-day party. He just adores his teachers - always has and loves to do “nice” things for them. He likes to please them.

Now on to my sister:
My sister is 33wks pregnant and she told me today, “It’s hard for me to accept you being pregnant”. She said, “I’m selfish because I'm consumed with being pregnant.” And she went on to say, “It’s not bad that I'm being selfish, it’s just I'm used to being the [only] one pregnant right now.”
I can’t believe she said this to me. But whatever, that’s my sister for you.
And I found out that she’s going to my ex’s wedding (to the home wrecker) in June. WTF is that? Is there NO loyalty in our family? I didn’t say anything to her because it’s not going to change anything and we’ll just end up fighting.

I can't believe her... *shaking head* She thinks it's perfectly acceptable. What do you think?

Monday, May 8, 2006


Ok. I've stopped spotting as of Saturday.

I've started to feel optimistic about this pregnancy again but I just can't get one thing the doctor said out of my head to allow myself to be completely optimistic. In other words, until I hit 12/13 wks, I will still have some doubts.

What the dr said was:
"Most miscarriages happen because of too many chromosomes, like more than one sperm has fertilized the egg. It's like building a house with 5 sets of blueprints, you can only build it so high before it falls over."

I don't know why this is nagging at me but it is.

Plus, I got on the scale again this morning - at 8wks 5d I'm at a weight gain of 6lbs. I can't seem to slow it down. I think a lot of it is bowel distention but .... who knows - I could just be trying to kid myself.

Plus I need to rant about my mother. All she does is gossip. When I was spotting I called to tell her and she added me her prayer chain at church which was great. But no sooner did I hang up that she called my older sister and my youngest brother. *IF* I wanted them to know, I would've called them. I told her b/c she was my mother and I figured would want to know. But it seems that the only reason she 'wants' to know is so that it gives her something to talk about.

So after my appointment, I called her to tell what the doctor said. And I tell her that my sisters 26wk old stillborn (Cole) meant a whole lot more to my doctor when he found out that we were identical twins and - No Lie - she *gasped* and repeated to her husband this:"Cole meant a lot more to Sharon's doctor than her (own) 3 m/c's." WTF? When did I say that? I swear she's crazy. I corrected her and got off the phone rolling my eyes. I just can't talk to her anymore. She drives me batty.[/rant]

Wednesday, May 3, 2006

8wks today

Yesterday was a bad day.

I got to work like normal and everything was happening - like normal - and then I went pee for the first time around noon (TMI ahead) and my underwear were practically soaked with brown blood. I went pale. I came back to my desk and IM'd my sister who told me to call the doctor ASAP - like I didn't already know to do this. But I had to go tell my boss what was going on so I could close my office door and make the phone call without interruptions. And I was fine as long as I was typing but when I had to actually speak to my boss, I lost it. Then there was the look on her face and the hug she gave me that turned me into a babbling idiot who was barely audible.

I already had an appointment scheduled for yesterday so they told me to wait until my appointment and try to relax. Then I called Bill. He was supportive and was sure to tell me that he loved me no matter what was about to happen. He rearranged his schedule so he could come the to doctor with me. He was so swamped at work, I felt guilty for adding more stress to his life although I understand the importance of him being at the doctor and he was happy to come. After I called Bill and the doctor, I left work then and there and I went home and actually was able to nap. Bill came home and took me to the doctor.

We did the whole normal first OB appointment including the 1hr GTT, 5 vials of blood, all of my history, a breast exam, a pap and then FINALLY they did a sono. Oblivious to my stress and worry was my little baby in there witha heart just beating away. The doctor said that the baby was waving at us, he said, "Look, that's the hand right there, it's waving at you." But I couldn't take my eyes off the heart beat. Before the doctor left the room, he said that he sees nothing wrong with me.

The first thing the doctor said to me was, "40% of all pregnancies have bleeding in the 1st trimester."

I asked what could be causing it and he said that it could implantation. I said, "This late?" He said, "Yes, because up until 12wks the placenta is still embedding itself into the uterine wall." He also said that it could be my body trying to cycle. It's fairly normal to spot at 4, 8 & 12wks because your ovaries don't know that you are pregnant so they are trying to cycle like normal which could cause a dip in hormones resulting in spotting.
So while I still have no real answers and probably never will, the baby and myself looked good. The doctor said there are 3 milestones in the 1st trimester:

1) seeing the heartbeat
2) 10wks
3) 12wks

So please let's everyone say a prayer that I make it the next 2 weeks. This spotting stuff has now made my once "good feeling" about this pregnancy a skeptical one and that really stinks. I'm tired of the constant worry that lingers in the back of my mind but it looks as though it's not going anywhere for a while.

Thanks to everyone who had me in their thoughts and prayers yesterday.