Am I ready?

I can't deny Bill a child. He's is so incredible with Austin, I can only imagine how he'll be with his own child. However, my baby is 9. I'm so excited to start ttc but sometimes I wonder what the hell I'm doing. Am I ready to start over? It would be different if I didn't already have a 9 yr old and I was naive to what it all involves but I do know.

Can I handle the late nights? Can I handle losing all of my *me* time, all of my *sleep* time? Can I handle the changing of diapers, the potty training, the broken sleep, the temper tantrums? Can I handle car seats and diaper bags? Can I handle someone relying on me 100% of the time now that Austin is self-sufficient? Will I breastfeed? Will I be a SAHM? [My body aches now] Can I handle a pregnancy?

I really am excited about ttc, I am! I can't wait for the 2ww! I can't wait for what leads up to the 2ww! I can't wait to be pregnant!

I know that I am so ready to have Bill's hands on my belly feeling his baby kick for the first time or going with me to the doctor's to hear the heartbeat or to see the sonogram with the flicker of a heart beating. I am so ready to see Bill look into his child's eyes while (s)he grasps his finger. I am so ready to see Bill change a diaper. lol I am so ready to see them sleeping together on the couch and to watch Bill grow as a father as his child grows.

BUT today is cd7 - Am I *really* ready?